The First Sermon — "Six Feet Above Contradiction"

The First Sermon

1921

LONDON — Aspiring orators frequently wonder how a minister feels while delivering his sermon. Is he momentarily "scared," or does he possess the habitual self-assurance and confidence of the public speaker in other walks of life. The London Mail presents a word-picture from "A Curate" which describes in humorous detail his first sermon.

"The 'hymn before the sermon' is drawing to its close. I have ascended the pulpit steps, and am standing 'six feet above contradiction'," he writes.

"The Gothic nave is still ringing with the organ's final chords, when some official at the west end turns down the lights — all except the one over the pulpit. I wish he hadn't — it makes me feel so conspicuous.

"There is a dreadful pause; seven hundred pairs of eyes are on me. My first instinct is to duck. Then I remember myself and the vicar's final words: 'Don't forget the invocation before and the ascription afterwards.'

"Good gracious! I have started. It sounds like a stranger speaking, and I seem far away, but I glue my eyes on my manuscript and carry on. My knees are simply banging together as I discourse on the doctrine of sanctification.

"Then someone in the congregation coughs; it seems to hit me right in the face. Simultaneously a choir boy drops a psalter; I almost leap out of my skin. I have lost my place; there is a long pause — at least five minutes it seems to me — someone coughs again, barks it this time.

"Then a strange thing happens. I get angry. I push aside my manuscript; I say the first thing that comes into my mind. I find myself ten minutes later at the end of an earnest exhortation to sanctity of life.

"Then I remember the ascription — relief at last! Out it comes, and I go back to my stall feeling an absolute wreck.

" 'Not at all bad for a first attempt,' says the vicar afterwards. 'I thought at first you were going to be deadly dull, but you warmed up to it nicely — earnestness tells.

" 'By the way, more pauses would be an improvement; that long pause of yours was very effective.' "