A Church Fair In Oklahoma — Everything "Perfectly Square"

1900

An Innovation

"Brethren and sisters," said the Rev. Jack Jonks, the well-known Oklahoma divine, relates the New York World, "I am requested to announce that the ladies of the church will give a fair and festival at Tilligan's hall next Thursday evening, to which everybody is invited.

"I will further say that everything will be square and above-board on that occasion. I have been moved to insist upon this innovation because of the numerous kicks which have been registered since the last event of this character. Certain of the brethren, especially those who have but recently become members of the church and have not yet forgotten their worldly wisdom, have been complaining that there was no reciprocity in the various catch-penny devices and games of chance at the last festival, and they are emphatic in their proclamation that, while they do not object to running up against any legitimate hazard for the good of the cause, they decline to participate in any more lead-pipe cinches.

"I will therefore add that at the coming festival the grab-bag, fish pond, weighing-machine and kindred devices for replenishing the treasury will be under the direct supervision of Curly Conroy, the gentlemanly and accomplished dealer of faro at the Blue Ruin fortune parlors. In kindly agreeing to superintend these devices, Mr. Conroy pledges his professional honor that every visitor who puts down his scads will at least have some show for his money, and that his part of the evening's entertainment will be conducted in the same unprejudiced and impartial way that characterizes his work at the Blue Ruin. The usual collection will now be taken."