Rev. P. Marion Simms Has New Ten Commandments

Iowa, 1912

Vinton, Iowa, March 18 — Rev. P. Marion Simms, pastor of the First Presbyterian church of Vinton, in his sermons the last two Sundays, gave the husbands and wives each a talk direct from the shoulder and without mincing of words. The sermons have caused no little comment throughout the town and like all "plain talks" have caused no little argument. On one Sunday he included the "Ten Commandments for Husbands" and on the other "Ten Commandments for Women," both of which are original and wholly representative of the two sermons.

Ten Commandments for Husbands

1. Thou shalt have no woman but thy wife and thou shalt not arrange for thy second marriage before the death of thy first wife.

2. Thou shalt not be a Sir Roger de Coverly to other men's wives and then conclude that because thou hast broken bronchos or excelled on the athletic field or in the gymnasium that thou canst manage thy wife in the same way.

3. Thou shalt not make of thy wife a household drudge, enslaved to the cook stove, mending bag, the vacuum cleaner and the babies sixteen hours a day while thou dost work but eight.

4. Thou shalt not smoke ten cent cigars and wear silk socks while thy wife wears her last year's hat with the wing moved to the other side and while thy sons wear hand-me-down-pants. And thou shalt not support the saloon-keepers's wife and children at the expense of thine own and compel thy wife to use an anesthetic to extract every penny she gets. And thou shalt not require thy wife to render an account for every penny thou dost grudgingly give to her, unless thou dost give her an account of thine own expenditures sworn to before at least two notary publics.

6. Thou shalt not forget that thy home ought to be the happiest spot on earth for thee; that thy truest friends are there; that they miss thee when thou art away, therefore, thou shalt not neglect thy home for the club, lodge, pool room or saloon or any other place of meeting whatsoever.

6. Thou shalt not have all thy religion in thy wife's name.

7. Thou shalt not farm out the religious training of thy children to the minister, the Sunday school teacher, or to anybody else, not even to thy wife. But thou shalt bear thine own burden in the matter and thou shalt live before them in such a way that they can follow safely. And thou shalt not relieve a fit of indigestion by kicking the cat or whipping the children.

8. Thou shalt not talk of thy family and domestic troubles to thy neighbor, to thy friend or partner, or to anybody's wife or to thy stenographer, to any member of thy club or lodge or to anybody else. Fight it out with thy wife alone, even if it takes all summer.

9. Thou shalt not have the jim-jams or even a headache every time thy wife asks thee to take her to a musical, to a concert, or to see some friends; for verily, verily, I say unto you that it is hard to be a grass widow all the time and with a husband in the house.

10. Thou shalt not forget that thy wife is not yet an angel and that thou wouldst be very lonely if she were; therefore, thou shalt make due allowance for the frailties of human nature. And thou shalt remember that she has as many rights as thou thyself.

Ten Commandments for Wives

1. Thou shalt have no other man but thy husband and when another would make love to thee remember that he is a fool or a knave.

2. Thou shalt not forget that the same winsome ways that made thy husband prefer thee to all other women are necessary to hold him. Verily, verily, I say unto you that rats are as valuable in married life as in courtship.

3. Thou shalt not expect thy husband in the beginning of his life to support thee on the same plane that thy father was able to reach after a long life of hard work and rigid economy. Therefore, thou shalt not fret thyself because thy neighbor's house is finer than thy own; neither shalt thou burden thy husband to enable thee to pose as a merchant's and milliner's model. Thou shalt be a help-meet and not simply a help-eat; for verily, verily, I say unto you that it is wicked to keep thy husband only about two steps ahead of the bill collector. Neither shalt thou wear abbreviated garments that make women look too short and men too long.

4. Thou shall not place any social circle, club, pleasurable organization or even the missionary society before thy home and thou shalt not conclude that an ideal family is a husband, a bull pup and a canary.

5. Thou shalt seek first to be a good homemaker, house-keeper and cook and then thou mayest add other accomplishments that do not interfere with thy chief business in life. Thou must not forget that an uncooked apple drove the first husband from paradise; that a poor mess of pottage differentiated a nation; that a fit of indigestion lost the battle of Leipsic; and that tea, mixed with improper ingredients cost England the American colonies and led to the founding of the American republic. And thou shalt not waste $5 worth of time hunting for a $10 dress at $9.78 on bargain day and compel thy husband to lunch down town on buttermilk and sinkers. Verily, verily, I say unto you that it is better to be a good cook than to be able to play chords on the piano, to serve pink teas, preside at whist orgies or to be queen of bargain finders.

6. Thou shall not gossip in the family or out of it about the neighborhood scandal; neither shalt thou allow the petty vexations of the family to disrupt the family harmony.

7. Thou shalt not complain that thou art "tied down" to thy home and to thy babies; for verily, verily, I say unto you that a woman who is unwilling to be "tied down" to such is not worthy to be married to any man. Thou shalt remember that no woman is "tied down" more to her chief business in life than is her husband. Thou shouldst also remember that even the Lord did not intend that a woman's married life should be one prolonged pleasure excursion in a rubber tired automobile on an asphalt road with magnolias blooming on either side.

8. Thou shalt not aspire to be a man to run the politics of the country to reform the world, to boss thy husband and then expect the courtesy, the love and devotion that is due an uncrowned queen. Verily, verily, I say unto you, that men admire most the woman of the clinging vine variety.

9. Thou shalt not serve punch to thy guests, nor put up prizes at whist parties, nor win them at thy neighbors, and then lecture thy husband and son on the evils of gambling.

10. Thou shalt not allow dust to gather on thy Bible nor shall thy attendance at the services of thy church depend on the emotions of a passing hour, the state of the weather or any other unimportant matter.

—Evening Gazette, Cedar Rapids, IA, March 18, 1912, p. 12.

Note: Commandment 2 for women has "rats" as being valuable in married life as in courtship. I don't know what "rats" are in this context but that is what the article says.